Updated: Jan 14
The new year has just begun and as every other year I start my day with something i call as "Journaling the past year". Now you may be like," hey its new year, new beginning, so why dwell in the past?", that is true, but my understanding of "dwelling in past" is to not find out only about tormenting experiences, misfortunes, but to count my blessings, of all the small and big moments i was blessed with, of the times i cried and laughed, inshort just checking in with myself and acknowledging and accepting the year that went by so that I would be mentally prepared for new beginnings.
Here's a sneek peek to my 2019:
1. Death: the ultimate truth of life
The new year started with my grandpa's death. This was the first time I was experiencing death of someone very close to me. When I heard about it,my feeling was weird, i wasnt sad or crying, i was just blank. Usually my head has like a zillion thoughts at one point of time, but on that day I was completely blank, no thought at all. It was a day after the funeral that i finally cried, I now think that it took almost a day for the feeling to just seep in my system. The one lesson that i learnt was that death is the only certain thing in this life and i should make use of all these moments so that when time comes, i can leave in peace just like my nana did. Another thing i understood was that everyone deals with grief in their own way. Some cry their heart out, some are just blank, some are weeping inside, and no need to judge anyone for it. Pain is an emotion felt by all but in very different ways.
This was a bitter sweet moment of my life. I did my graduation in Journalism and Mass communication from Amity University Mumbai.I graduated at 24, pretty late as per usual, why you ask, its a post on itself. But when i was presented with the degree i was in tears, not just because it was a special ocassion, i was just taken back in time to 2016. there are quite some life lessons that the city of dreams gave me. One being, appreciating my family. My relationship was strained with my family when i initially left, but later on and now its just amazing. Another thing is the fact that i could independently manage a lot of situations that i thought i couldnt handle. The greatest lesson learnt was to get out of the comfort zone.
My younger sister and I have a very different relationship, atleast i believe. We are the best of friends, like we know in and out of each other, sometimes its so bizarre that we even know what the other person is thinking about. Even though we have like a whopping 6 yr gap in between us, it never felt like it. So this year was special for her, as her college life started off. We knew or atleast we thought that it would be exactly like how i went off to hostel, like we will miss each other but its okay. But with just some days in, we werent talking, she had her own reasons which at that time didnt feel as valid as it does now and things got to a point wherein we sat down and talked about it. What i learnt was that I am pretty bad with goodbyes, when i was leaving to Mumbai,she was in the recieving end and now that the tables have turned i am not dealing with it in the right way. The second thing i learnt was that all of us deal and adapt to change in different ways. She took her own time to settle down and it took her a while to do so and me on the other hand adapt very quickly. This learning has helped us deal with the situation better.
4. Relationship with food:
My equation with food has always been very strained. The bouts of depression had more layers to it than i expected it to have. I stuggled with something i know now called as Binge eating/ stress eating. So it was this year, after so long of struggling that i finally worked on my relationship with food. Lesson that i learnt and still learning is to be patient and kind to my body and keep working on even when results are not shown. I also started seeing food as a blessing,one that nourishes my body rather than something i could use to just fill my anxiety/ stress.
5. New people:
This was that year when i finally went out of my way and managed to meet some amazing people. The thing with new people is that they do not have an impression of you that you need to live up to. That's i think my favourite part. Some of my best conversation, movie screenings and evenings were with this amazing person. Lesson i learnt is that time or years do not really matter when it comes to closeness in friendship. And i take this oppurtunity to thank that person from the bottom of my heart, thanks for being you.
This was my year in like a snippet. It had many other things that i am grateful for and I hope you all would also have an amazing 2020 with or without resolutions, and also remember that each morning comes with an oppurtunity. So just cease the day...
Happy New year!!