Are you expressing love the right way?
Happy Valentine's day you guys...
This post is my gift for all of you and trust me understanding and applying it in your life is sure to have a positive impact on all of your relationships.
So the question I have asked in the title is not bizarre right? I mean how often have you felt that you give out love but do not get the reactions and reciprocation you wanted? Have you imagined why?
Why you feel loved by some people and why some gestures don't move you at all?
I might have some answers to these queries.
Imagine a person talking to you in a foreign dialect. He/ she is talking with all enthusiasm, a twinkle in their eyes, elated but you are not understanding a word of what they are saying. It's vice versa too, but what do you do in such a situation
Using a translator is an option. But you need to know which dialect it is right. You need to put in the effort to understand the dialect, and then translate it and similar is the case with love.
Sorry to burst your bubble. Even though love is universal, we all do not give and receive love in the same way.
This is where the concept of love languages comes into the picture.
Love languages are the ways in which we express and experience love between romantic partners or in general relationships too. This is a concept introduced by the author Gary Chapman in his book " The 5 love languages".
Understanding our own languages and knowing others helps us in striking a better and healthy relationship with our partner, family, and friends. It improves and strengthens our connections.
The five love languages according to the book are 1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Acts of service
5. Physical touch
Gary Chapman explains that each of us have a primary and secondary love language and when we recognize ours and others around us, we then have got like a cheat code to expressing and receiving love.
I'll explain each of the five love languages and you can find out which of them aligns with you more.
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
These are simply true statements affirming the worth of another person. It includes words of encouragement, words of appreciation, words of praise, kind words.
For some of us, this language is easy and comes naturally but for some its like the foreign dialect I mentioned above. You need to put in the work in learning the language because even though it might not be your primary language it can be of someone you love.
Love is a choice, choose to love others.
You might have friends or family who count gifts as the ultimatum. Their entire face lights up when they get gifts. For them their primary love language is gifts. Gifts are any token of emotional love. Visual symbols of love as mentioned in the book.
For gifts, it's the thought that counts. Not the extravagance of it.
3. ACTS OF SERVICE:
Some of us show love through different things we do right. Like when someone cooks for you when you reach home after a tiring day, its an expression of love. Some of us find it more blessed to give than receive and it's not out of fear or choice that you do something for someone.
'Serve one another in love' and love means to serve.
4. QUALITY TIME:
The central desire for quality time is togetherness. It is focussed and undivided attention to what the person is talking about or the activities that you are doing together. It's not about how much hours you spend together, it's about how you spent those hours, doing what and how it has an impact on the relationship.
This needs a lot more effort if it isn't your primary language. You need to practice to be a patient listener and need to work on how to communicate effectively.
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH:
It includes all the tender affirming touch like handshakes, pats, hugs. For people who have physical touch as their primary love language, this is their fundamental language of love.
Now that we have discussed all of them, its time to find out your own love languages. It's also my belief that we receive and give love in different languages too.
Like for instance, I have a bilingual(two languages on the same level) primary language- words of affirmation and quality time and my second language is acts of service. This is how I love to be loved.
But I give love through acts of service and quality time.
How I found out you ask?
The book has certain tips as to when it comes to figuring out your love language, like observing your own behaviour, listening to your complaints, observing what you request of others.
And then there are quizzes online usually to just help you find out your love languages.
We all need love. Love nourishes us. It's just that we all are unique and have a different way of expressing it. This knowledge of love languages will surely lessen your complaints and would motivate you to see your loved ones in a different light.
"Love is the most universal, the most tremendous and the most mysterious of cosmic forces"